I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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