Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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