Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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