This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
