and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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