Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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