Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
