Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
