oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
