Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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