Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
