You just made me feel so damn special
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
