nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
