and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
