you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
