I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
