He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
