dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
