and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Farmville is her only friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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