But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
