how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
