Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the day after is always just damage control
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
