Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
