definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
