you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
