I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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