I wish I only lived at night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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