i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
