Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
