he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
