i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
