SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
