Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He passed out mid-signature
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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