I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
