i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
