Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
