Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
