why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
