I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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