Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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