its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
im on a boat
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