i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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