So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
