I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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