Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
