The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
