I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
