Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
