A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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