i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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