You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
